OTHERS' SECRETS - HOW TO BE WITH THEM

A secret is not something that is not told to anyone. A secret is something that is talked about privately and quietly. (Marcel Pagnol)

The day before, on one page in social networks, there was a heated discussion on the topic - why people do not know how to keep secrets and can calmly reveal someone's secret.

Agree that almost everyone, including ourselves, knows something about someone that should not be disclosed under any circumstances. If only because the person who told you this trusted you and not someone else. And that should be appreciated.

Moreover, it is absolutely not important how someone else's secret became known to you. It is not always the case that you were told about him, perhaps you simply became an involuntary listener or overheard yourself. The situation, whatever it may be, does not relieve you of the responsibility for storing the information that has reached you.

But, unfortunately, most people are simply chronically unable to keep someone else's secret. Sometimes, such things do not depend on people at all, it is simply vital for them to share information with someone, to discuss, to wash the bones. They give out other people's secrets almost automatically. And even sometimes they later regret it and, nevertheless, are able to repeat it again and again and again.

Why can't people keep secrets?

The Internet portal "Psychology of communication" answers this question as follows.

Psychologists came to the conclusion that such people are simply deprived of attention. For example, a woman or a man who is not very popular in their team, of course, they are given some attention, they are listened to, but this is not enough for them, they want more. How to attract even more attention? That's right, to tell someone's interesting secret, which will be interesting to everyone and will put such a person in the center of attention of others.

Women's secrets usually relate to personal life - who betrayed whom, who is dating whom, etc. But it is not uncommon for men to discuss such secrets as well.

Men are interested in secrets, most often related to work or earnings, and, of course, they do not disdain secrets in relationships either. Only they are interested in secrets about a specific woman, how many boyfriends she had and whether she has one now, why she broke up with her ex, etc. Usually men are interested in such secrets for two reasons - either he likes the woman, or simply the man is gaining life experience, learning other people's mistakes, what not to do in order not to find yourself in a similar situation.

It is understandable, because the person who tells us the latest gossip about someone, as well as other people's secrets, tomorrow will also talk about us and about our own secrets. And believe me, nobody wants that. Therefore, basic people quickly lose their cheap popularity and return to their former state of being useless to anyone.

It is very difficult to communicate with such people, if only because you constantly have to control everything that you say. After all, it is not excluded that what you have said will be known to those around you. Such "friends" get rid of very quickly.

So how not to become this basic person?

The Internet portal "Psychology of Communication" finds an answer to this question as well.

Watch your words

Learn to watch your words. Before talking about others, and especially about other people's secrets, pause for a few seconds, this will give your brain time to orient itself and time to think, maybe you will understand and conclude that you should not tell other people about other people's secrets.

If you are talking to someone and feel like you are about to say too much, try to end the conversation quickly or change the subject.

If you are talkative and know for sure that you are not good at keeping secrets, try not to know about other people's secrets. Just do not listen to your interlocutor, change the topic of the conversation, let the interlocutor understand that you are not interested in his secrets or the secrets of others. This will most likely show that you do not like to gossip and do not want to talk about people without their presence.

When you feel that your strength is running out and you are struggling to keep someone else's secret, then it is better to tell this secret to someone who is not familiar with the person whose secret you are trying to hide. So you will not harm anyone, and no one will suffer because of your fault.

You can also write down all your and other people's secrets in a special notebook, which you can call "My and other people's secrets". This will give you the feeling that you have already told someone these secrets, and this can help you control your speech. You will only need to make sure that your secret diary is not Novomoskovskl by anyone but you.

If you couldn't hold back

If you have told someone's secret to a stranger, and you have already repented of it, you should not run with apologies to the person who entrusted you with their secrets, maybe you will be lucky and the confidant will not find out that you spilled his secrets. Then you are lucky and your relationship will not suffer. But you still learn not to talk too much.